I've been kind of quiet lately....been responding to my e-mails late, and I wish to apologize to everyone. It's my busy time...I travel to Farmer's Markets and to Art shows selling my art and soap. I'm my only employee, so I keep myself quite busy. I moved into a very quiet space after watching the Virginia Tech shooting unfold. When I was 16, my best friend and his mother were murdered. He was born a few months before me, and we grew up with one another. I literally knew him my entire life. Our families were very close...Mike and I got into a lot of trouble together, and as we got older we grew apart. However, he got into a bad wreck, and while he was healing up, we started talking again...hanging out again. Then one night my neighbor burst through the door saying that Mike and Mrs. Ford were dead. She heard it on the police scanner. I ran to the window, and there was one cop car there. He was putting up the yellow tape...people wonder why I hate yellow...The odd thing was that during the time that Mike and Mrs. Ford were being murdered, I was looking at the house from my bedroom window. I was listening to the kids playing up the road and thinking about when Mike and I used to do that when we were little...I never heard or saw a thing. They died a horrible death, one that I won't describe, but one that nobody ever deserves.

My mom and I both saw something, and we knew who did it. However, it took a month before the police could prove it. It was Mike's dad...someone I loved and trusted with my life all of my life. He came over to our house everyday during that month of investigation and talked about odd things....like how to tie a tie. He was no longer there. He was not the man I knew. He was the man he became when he had a break within him...when he decided to dream in a nightmare instead of compassion. Everytime he came over, I positioned myself next to something I coud use as a weapon in case he broke again. I just didn't know.

Then the cops found the proof. They let him know that he would soon be arrested. Why, I am not sure. He put his will and insurance papers someplace where his son David could find, and then he went over to a neighbor's and basically confessed. He was upset because Mike never got the grades that I did...he then got into the truck that Mike had built from the frame up with him, and drove 80mph into a tree.

My entire world crumbled at the edges and fell apart. Everything I believed in, vanished. I had no idea what was real anymore...what was truth. If Mr. Ford could kill his own son, then my parents could do the same. What I trusted as being safe, suddenly didn't exist. As I watched their faces on TV, I saw it happening all over again to so many people, and my heart broke for them.

They are standing at an important spot. They are waking up in many ways, but it is a paradox...You wake up, you start to explore the world in a whole new way...you let go of what no longer serves you, you find a much freer way to live, you begin dreaming new dreams, but the sad thing is that it all started from such a tragic space.

It took me ten years to totally wake up from the Fog. After that month, that horrible month, I was told over and over that "everything will be okay." Do not ever say that to anyone going through anything like this! I wanted to scream a blood curdling scream each time I heard that! Nothing will be okay...nothing will ever be the same. It simply changes...and either you wake up or you go deeper into your sleep. I slept for awhile. In fact, I almost died twice from an illness that seemed a lot like leukemia...but Spritual dreams called me back from my comas. Finally, I realized that Mike, Mrs. Ford, and Mr. Ford all died in vain if I did not keep living...enjoy life, etc. I learned how to ride a motorcycle, something that Mike was going to teach me how to do, and I started to paint and write...my passions.

I feel so sad for all of these kids and families going through this....I then think about how people in Iraq and Darfur, just for two examples, are going through this each and every day. I have no idea how they survive...except for Spirit...that seed of Hope and Belief that Spirit plants within us...

It makes me cry when I see all of the nightmares that we are choosing to dream into reality. We are killing ourselves with these horrible dreams. We can make a different choice. We can. I know that we can, because I did it...and if I can do it, then I know others can. We can dream in a more compassionate way of living...Instead of dreaming in anger, we can dream in loving kindness. When you are in a situation that normally triggers you into responding out of fear or anger, make a different choice. Take a step back, breath, and then be honest with yourself and others. Smile instead of attack....Dream another Dream....Dream yourself back to the Sacred Hoop...Stop dreaming in the Hoop of Fear that is causing so much destruction and pain in this world.

I will be uploading new paintings into the photo area if you wish to see them....later today.

I haven't written for awhile, because I burned my hand and life has been a roller coaster. My cat Jaws...I had to put him to sleep, and it was really sad...although, I know it was right, that it was time, and I am so grateful for him being in my life. He was abandoned by my neighbors. I guess the woman that lived there hit him with her car, broke the bottom portion of his jaw, and had a wire inserted to hold it together while it healed. She never had it taken out. It had been in there for over a year before I finally tamed him enough to take him to the vet and have it removed, thus I called him Jawsey forever more and he became my best friend.

So here is a great exercise for cleansing those chakras in the shower. It is a good way to recycle all of those negative emotions before you go to sleep, thus you can wake up refreshed and ready for a new day. I did this quite a bit during the week, because I was feeling so bad about losing Jawsey. You can also do this with Reiki! It is great!

First, say a prayer or an intentional statement such as, "I intend to bring myself into balance with this work, and I ask for support from Creator, the Earth Mother, my Guides, Spirit Animals, Four Directions and Four Elements. I give thanks in advance for all of the love and support that will be provided to me." The elders say that when we give thanks in advance, we pave the way for the healing to come to us...we are opening a door welcoming the change that will come.

So when I take a shower and do this work, I like to turn off the lights, light some incense that is relaxing and soothing for me and I light a candle. Candle light is a fantastic thing to blend with a wonderful scent, and the sound of water.....that alone is healing for me!

In the shower, focus on your breathing...in and out...Work on breathing with your belly rather than your chest...so breath in allowing your belly muscles to expand..and hold for a couple of seconds, and then exhale all the air out...focus on doing this for a few minutes.. We have become chest breathers, which is actually bad for our health....it does not promote good circulation. If you suffer from cold hands and feet, start belly breathing and it could help correct the problem. It also helps me whenever I feel a headache coming on.

After my breathing is slowing down, relaxing me even further, I start to focus my intention upon becoming aware of my chakras....My intention is that I will begin to feel their presence within my energetic field....when I feel connected with them, I then begin the work.

I take my two fingers, my index and middle fingers, and over my root chakra, I begin spinning my fingers slowly counterclockwise visualizing myself opening the chakra. The friction of moving counterclockwise helps you feel the imbalances within your chakra. I then let my fingers do the talking. What are they feeling? Are they feeling blockages, sluggish energy? Tightness? Coolness? Does it feel closed? Whatever you feel is blocking your chakra from flowing in a balanced way, simply let it attach to your fingers and then wash your fingers in the water...releasing all negative energy, praying that it will be transformed into healing energy for the benefit of all...then if you do any type of energy work, such as Reiki or whatever, let the energy flow into that chakra...Also, visualize the color of that chakra flowing in with the energy. When you are done, slowly begin spinning your fingers in a clockwise motion, so your chakra can begin to flow naturally and in balance once again after the healing work you have done. You need to do this for each chakra.....so for the root chakra it is a deep, vibrant red...make sure it is clear and radiant. For the belly chakra, it is the orange of a sunset...vibrant, strong, illuminating...solar plexus is yellow...that wonderful yellow of a sunrise or of a sunflower....the heart can be green or a rose color....I always think of the deep green of a moss that I find in the woods next to water or the color of a pink rose from my garden...the throat chakra is turquoise and the third eye is a deep blue of lapis or the ocean or an amethyst purple...the crown for me is white...After you go through all of the chakras...lay down on your bed and allow your energy to do what it needs to do to find balance again. If you immediately go back to work or doing chores, then the healing that you just tried to do, won't last for too long. Give it a chance to become a part of your being.  I always have amazing dreams after this.

Also, as you are working with this meditation, I feel that the four elements are very involved...fire from the candle, water from the shower, air with the energy, and Earth from the incense...so make sure at the end to also give thanks for all of the help that was provided to you...all of the support that came to you from Spirit.

You may experience a lot of different emotions while working with this meditation. If so, don't resist or deny them. Simply honor them and give yourself permission to allow those feelings to flow through you. Denial creates deep depression. Honest and expression allows you to move forward and through a situation. Also remember this, YOUR FEELINGS DO NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE! They are just feelings that are temporary. They are not permanent, and as soon as you allow them to move through you, they can transform into something else. This is alchemy...transforming the dross of our lives into pure gold. An elder I worked with always said to me, "Open your heart, walk through your fear, and you will find the answers on the other side." He was right...I could never find the answers to my questions as long as I allowed fears to keep my heart closed...

I hope this finds you all well and helps in some way!

Well, the season has begun for me. I took part in an art festival last weekend, which was a very emotional experience at the start, and it went well. I think I heard most of the nice comments. I also met a lot of wonderful people, which is always the best part for me. Next week I travel to two different areas of Colorado to drop off art for their shows and I am getting ready for the Farmer's Market's, which start mid June. I am also putting in my garden. We had our, hopefully, last freeze of the season last night. A gentle frost that took only three of my sweet basils...I got all of the seed into the ground, and now I water and pray over the seeds...waiting to see who they all decide to become. I love gardening...it is the best time of year for me. I love working with the Earth everyday in such a way. It is a great way to learn the Earth's lessons. I really don't read many books about how to garden. I just try to listen to what the plants and the Garden Spirit's tell me to do. Most of the time it works.

I was "weeding" my strawberries yesterday. I have a bunch of blooms and a few berries are developing. Yummy. I really do hate to weed, because I feel that there is a purpose for everything...that the "weeds" are herbs. When I have to pull them, I am always talking to them, asking for their forgiveness, and promising to not pull them in other areas...they had an interesting lesson for me. In the areas where these herbs/weeds were growing...I noticed that the strawberries weren't growing...that small circles of nothing grew around these areas.....and I started thinking about how this goes on in all of our lives...I know it happens in mine. Maybe I allow something to grow in an area of my life where it really isn't suited for... maybe it drains all of the nutrients out of me, all of the live giving waters out of me in this area of my life, and maybe I need to transplant them to another area...an area where a type of alchemy can occur...but I will get to that later....but maybe in this area, instead of transforming the dross, those heavy metals in my life that hold me back from truly living and flowering into a beautiful gold, they are keeping it all safe...keeping it all the same...keeping me in my comfort zone. Maybe it is an herb, but it is the wrong herb or treatment for this area....so it needs to be moved...it needs to be uprooted, so something else can move in and transform this area into healing...into life...into the Golden Spirit that can allow me to move closer and closer to who I really am....and maybe by pulling that herb, that very act is the first stage of my Inner Alchemy, the first stage of transformation and moving those heavy metals...maybe that is the purpose of the herb to begin with...to uproot those things that are no longer useful....so I apologize to them for having to remove them from my garden, and I give thanks to them for the healing that they are bringing to me and maybe others in the process....and maybe there won't be too many barren areas in my life.

The painting is of the Gnostic version of Mary Magdalene...the Empowered Woman....she is the patron saint of Gardens and Vineyards in Southern France.